Overcoming Shyness

Shyness is something I have struggled with since as long as I can remember. All of my life, I ran from the spotlight and shunned attention. While some people find shyness endearing, it can also severely inhibit people in their personal and professional lives. As a defining characteristic of a personality, shyness can be overcome through behavioral and attitude changes.

Why Are You Shy?

Ultimately, shyness comes from low self-esteem and insecurity. In most instances, shy people are in fear of other people's reactions to them and often feel uncomfortable in new social settings. Many feel anxiety or embarrassment when given attention.

These symptoms contribute to what some call "analysis paralysis" - or an extreme heightened state of self-awareness that a person is almost paralyzed by their fear of being rejected or judged. This emotional distress can cause physiological symptoms as well, including blushing, muscle tension, sweating and increased heart rate.

Almost 50 percent of all Americans struggle with shyness, while 93 percent have stated that they have experienced shyness at one point in their life.

Tips To Overcome Shyness

Ultimately, the best way to overcome shyness is to raise your confidence and achieve positive self images; however, increasing your self-esteem takes internal changes and time.

As you begin your journey toward positive self image, many psychologists suggest pretending you are a confident person until you are.

In the mean time, here are some tips to fake confidence:

• Make eye contact. Confident people hold eye contact with others because they are self-assured and have nothing to hide. By breaking or not holding eye contact frequently, people may perceive you as insecure, weak or deceitful.
• Stand high. Body language says a lot about you; say with your body that you are a confident person by rolling your shoulders back and raising your head high.
  
• Research conversation topics. Gregarious people never have a lull in their conversations because they are full of ice breakers and interesting conversation topics. Before attending a party or social setting, find topics that would be of interest to others, such as the news or sports.
• Compliment and ask questions about the other person. Once the conversation has started, keep the dialogue going by exchanging sincere compliments and asking questions to get to know the person better. Everyone's favorite topic is themselves! Ask them about recent vacations they have taken, inquire about an interesting tie or get their opinion on the best neighborhoods to live. By showing sincere interest, people will continue to talk to you and form a stronger bond.
• Focus on similarities. People like others who are similar to them, so bring attention to similar interests. If you both love rock music, discuss an upcoming concert or album release; however, never change your opinion in order to seem more agreeable. After learning more about a person, plenty of similarities will arise in the conversation that can keep the dialogue flowing.
• Study confident people. In social settings, observe how confident people carry themselves and interact with others. Odds are, you will pick up a few tips that you can use.
• Expand your comfort zone. Eventually, as you gain confidence, you will feel more secure in less familiar social settings. By gradually testing the social waters, you will gain confidence and become more comfortable and confident overall.
• Don't take it personally. Unfortunately, not all people will respond to your friendliness positively. Understand that people's negative feedback is not a reflection of you, but rather, a reflection of them. They may feel jealousy, insecure or other adverse feelings that may affect your interaction.
• Examine insecurities and improve. Carefully evaluate yourself and determine what it is that makes you fearful of people's reactions. Are you self conscious about your appearance? Are you afraid you may sound dumb? Work on these insecurities by undergoing a makeover or reading up on interesting topics to ease insecurities and build an improved, more confident you.
• Believe your own hype. One of the most difficult things for shy people is to accept compliments gracefully. Our first instinct is to draw attention to our flaws in order to seem humble. Don't! Take pride in other's compliments and graciously thank them. Most importantly - believe the positive feedback you are receiving! It's true!

Although this may be a corny story, one of my favorite lessons I learned about self confidence came from an extremely confident, smart, beautiful woman I know. She told me she looks in the mirror every morning and tells herself she's beautiful - inside and out. "My trick to being happy all the time?" she winked. "I truly believe it when I say it."

Resources:

Doingitforme (2007). Dealing With Shyness. Retrieved on April 23, 2009, from the Doing It For Me Web site.

Jorgensen, John (2007). Overcoming Shyness. Retrieved on April 23, 2009, from the Pick the Brain Web site.